It is not uncommon for couples to head into counseling due to a lack of physical love or the desire to be physical with each other. Do not feel alone here. If you have read the '5 Languages of Love' you will first know that everyone receives and gives love in different ways, and we sometimes forget what the other person needs in the relationship. We get so wrapped up in our needs that we fall short of seeing beyond.
One of the most important things that I personally have come to recognize is that you first need to invest in YOU. I often ask my close friends if they feel worthy and valued? When they take time to respond to this question, I begin to see there is something they need to work on within themselves so that they can step into their marriage fully again. So the work needs to begin within.
It is not easy for one person to know where their head is at the best of times and to then put 2 heads together can become a task to keep merry. Throw in the stresses of work, the restrictions of a pandemic, and a woman's hormones and you have a cold mess. There are people who express their frustrations often in a negative way, so it may be more clear that a problem exists. However, on the other side, there are people who keep everything hidden deep inside thinking that things will just change and it is not worth the energy to mention that a problem does exist, so the relationship just continues on the same cold track. Which is better?
We have choices, we can continue to journey down the same track if we feel this really is a happy place, but I suspect if this is the case for one partner it may not be the case for the other. What you want is not always what the other wants. Do not be fooled unless you have sought this out together.
Physical love should be enjoyed, cherished, and beautiful. If you do not have the desire, consider it most likely is a sign that your hormones are out of balance. In order to change that,a lifestyle change needs to happen. You may not care about sex at that moment, but you should care that something is happening in your body that possibly should not be, and very often it is stress, the stealer of making your hormones. It matters because ultimately it can affect your health and/or relationship
There are so many strategies and tools that you can consider. The most important being you will need to take intentional action to bring that mood and desire back. You are going to need to start filling your sack which will lead to more fulfillment for you and your relationship. Let me just throw 3 simple things out there, setting aside any bigger issues that may need to be dealt with between the couple. Reading this may even spark your own tool to change the track you are on or possibly make it better because it is already great. There is always room for improvement if we give it energy.
1) Preparation- Dress you up (this does not just apply to women) with something that makes you feel special, splurge on a hairdo, a needed manicure, and put on a drop of essential oil. Suggestions for the ladies: Jasmine, Joy, Sensation, Sclaressence
For the gents: Believe, Shutran, Valor, Idaho Blue Spruce
2) Balance- Life is about balance, which includes looking at our personal and professional lives. Stress plays havoc with our hormones and many women are estrogen dominant. It is important to have the right balance of progesterone to estrogen. Try to find the balance and consider help to turn the corner. This is where Progessence Plus comes in and provides a natural form of progesterone, helping the female to come off an emotional roller coaster and experience less of the hormonal symptoms such as headaches, hot flashes, and pain. Phytoestrogens are found in plants such as clary sage, fennel, cypress, angelica, and coriander and our bodies know exactly what to do with these as they are bioavailable.
3) Set the Mood- Turn on that sexy '80s music, get your non-toxic candles light up with natural essential oils, or consider a diffuser (mine has a flickering candle setting) and essential oil diffuser blend that is perfect for supporting libido courage. Did you know that there are essential oils for him and her to encourage libido? Starting your evening or morning with a massage can be the perfect way to naturally turn it up. For men keep Idaho blue spruce, goldenrod, cypress, nutmeg, or the blends mister and valor next to his bedside. Massages most certainly can take you anywhere. For her, there is power in ylang ylang, clary sage and these blends: joy, sensation, sclaressence and Lady Sclareol.
If you feel uncomfortable initiating the first physical move, consider sending a message to your partner in another way such as a text message during the day. I am also pretty sure that the slow music and aroma will be a sure-fire signal to heat things up. It takes courage, but ask yourself WHY are you depriving yourself of another form of Deep Joy. Maybe the answer will need further investigating?
Bedroom Blends (M- Male, F-Female)
Get Ready (F)
4 drops sensation
2 drops hung kuai
2 drops lavender
3 drops jasmine
2 drops orange
2 drops clary sage
1 drop joy
Him and Her (M/F)
3 drops sandalwood
3 drops lavender
2 drops ylang ylang
Boost Confidence (M)
5 drops valor
3 drops hung kuai
Fired Up (M)
3 drops joy
3 drops lemon myrtle
2 drops nutmeg